For roughly a year and a half, I began to evaluate my world. I was seeking the Lord one day, and He brought to my remembrance Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I realized my heart was very sick. It seemed that I was waiting for situations to change. I kept busy in worthwhile activities to make the wait more tolerable; yet, it seemed that I was deferring my time to the availability of others and their rules. While some rules we cannot change, like a speed limit, there are informal social contracts that don't hold up in court.
They are allegiances based in honor and, hopefully, reciprocity. As I sought the Lord, I began to understand the different between His leading versus the expectations of others that were keeping me stagnant. He has called us to be still, not stagnant. He has called us to be fruitful and to thrive.
A popular saying exhorts us to "Bloom where you're planted." What if there are other options? It is possible to work soil into a healthier, nutrient-rich mixture, but what if no one wants to work the soil. The plant should not be responsible for both growing and tending to the soil.
For a while, I thought God was distant during some silence. I began to reevaluate the things around me, such as relationships, commitments, expectations I was placing upon myself. It was like cleaning house and purging. I began to analyze different items in my life in His sight to determine what could stay and what should go. The beauty of letting things go is that you make room for other things. For example, you may make room for something you really want.
As I started to literally and metaphorically deal with the surplus and clutter, I found myself making more specific requests. I prayed for a little help, and there was an open door. Then, I realized I needed more help, and the door widened.
Had I not engaged in the journey of purging through the clutter that I had accumulated through life, I would not be in a space of transition. Instead, I would continue to circle the same place. Yesterday, my heart was sick because hope was out of my line of sight. Today, my heart is hopeful and dreaming again, with more room to spread its wings.